I have had many conversations over the past few weeks about how falling love shouldn't be hard, at least the initial onset of it and the problems that we give it. As someone who will be thirty years old soon, it's interesting to listen to all the opinions and how they gel or don't gel with the ones that I have.
Something today made me think about this again, and while I can't go into the specifics of what it is, I can address how I feel about some of it. The thoughts of pursuing someone, playing the game, and falling a love are all things that we must battle with, especially if you are a guy.
There are a few things that I note up front, and while I don’t agree with them they are important to note.
Girls want to be pursued. They want a guy to go after them and show them that they are special and that they deserve to be pursued. This seems to be a proper want and a noble one at that, but underneath the surface it goes so much deeper. As a guy, I get to watch my friends around me (and participate myself sometimes) as they try to decide if there is enough interest from the other party to even pursue them in the first place. I’m not a good judge of what’s on a girl’s mind, and I would venture a guess that most guys I know are just as bad at it as I am. I think if females were a little bit easier to figure out (ain’t going to happen) then it would be easier for them to be pursued by the ones that like them. So…if you want to be pursued…then make sure the guy knows that.
Playing the game isn’t something we want to do as we get older, but the problem is that the game works most (or a good bit) of the time. Just a few weeks ago I had a date, and someone (a guy) asked me if I was going to wait three days to call her. Seems like that is the proper guy thing to do. The answer for me is, NO, if I’m interested I’m not going to wait more than a full day at best depending on the circumstances. Given my success ratio there seems to be a better approach but I’m not sure what it is. There’s something to that feeling a girl gets after a date and she has to wait to hear from a guy. Maybe the interest builds up inside her. I don’t know. I don’t agree with it, but I see it work with some people. Will I do it, no, but as I told a friend the other day…..it seems that those who play the game date a whole lot more. That also opens up another question. As Christians who are seeking the one God would have for us, we shouldn’t be dating just to date. We should know pretty much (although not exact) if we are interested in getting to know someone, and that probably leads to us not dating as many people. Another topic for another day.
Falling in love is such a noble pursuit. What lies in the balance as we age is the prospect of being alone for much longer than we would imagine. I would like to temper that with telling you to read 1 Corinthians 7:29-35. Singleness can be a good thing. For those of us who face the prospect of serving on the mission field while we are single, that is a monumental idea to grasp. We have to realize that if we are called to marriage, that God is preparing someone for us just as we are being prepared for them. That being said, we make it too hard. Maybe we prolong things by making our list too specific or by not even knowing what we are looking for. These are some deep thoughts that I have nowhere near the grasp upon them that I desire, but I do have one opinion that I have garnered from watching my fellow man as well as looking in the mirror.
“We make finding love more difficult than it has to be. If we had our face fully upon God and fully trusted Him to take control of it, then we wouldn’t be facing insecurities about our singleness.”
The battle is long and hard, and I’m in the middle of it just like many of my friends….but I wonder what would happen if we dropped down our guard. What if we dropped the games, the ideas of the perfect pursuit, and the imaginary ideal of falling in love (not to be confused with the actual act of falling in love with someone) and just took a step out on faith. Glorify God and we can’t go wrong, but what a gigantic task that is and one that I would hope we could all seek.
I haven't written that much in a very long time unless it was for an assignment, so I will definitely walk away from the keyboard very quickly now.
posted by jason7655 @ 12:13 AM 5 comments 
5 Comments:
Here's your first comment. I think these words are full of wisdom. Good thoughts, Jason.
Interesting...however, I think when God moves the right people into your life, you just know when it is right.
That feeling, possible God's leading, takes away the need for any games, any love, any need for pursuit or phone calls.
When the right person comes into your life you just want to be with that person all the time. And if that person hasn't moved into your life yet, don't go looking for them. God moves people in and out of your life all of the time, and you'll know when they are the right person. And they will know it too. You won't have to convince them, or wait three days to call... its just perfect.
However, love and life aren't always perfect. So, when things get tough, just know that God is there. Make God the center of any relationship, and everything will be alright.
:-)
Good words anonymous. I'll start out by saying that what I wrote about wasn't really concerning me at that present time, but things I was observing in others as well as myself at times. There have been occasions where I felt like I just knew something was right, but if it's not reciprocated then you'll know it's not the right time or possibly not the right person.
I agree though, with God at the center of the relationship then everything will be alright. However, it might not be alright today. Sometimes it takes time to get over the idea that God's will for your life isn't the same as yours, and when the opposite sex comes into play that clarity sometimes gets clouded. It's all part of us growing to rely more on God than our own understanding.
Thanks for the comment.
Jason
You really hit the nail on the head with your thoughts - it shouldn't be this hard. The late-20's singleness is not something they prep you for in Sunday school...I would imagine that singles in their 30's and beyond feel the same way (or even more so). At this point in my life, I struggle daily to surrender my plans (i.e. the hope of sharing my life with someone) to God's plans, whatever they may be. And it's not just a timing issue...I think if I knew that my spouse was out there, maybe I could rest a little easier, but there's a lingering doubt about whether or not he even exists outside of my imagination that leaves me a bit queasy just at the thought of it. If I really believed that God is good and has plans to prosper me and not harm me, I suspect I'd have more energy to spend on other pursuits. I'd be worrying less about the nature of His plans since I'd be trusting that spouse or no spouse, His plans are a gazillion times better than anything I can hope for or dream up on my own. That's the bottom line, I suspect, at least for me.
Ok..I know who the first anonymous person was, but not the second. Not sure I like not knowing who said something, but I can live with it. It'd be great if noone else used that anonymous tag...but if you must to post...then any comment is nice.
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